Monte Monte (SS-454 that is!) LONG!

[Guest Greg Riley]

Hey guys,

This is the unedited version of the story that appeared in the Feb 7th issue of Old Cars Weekly.

Please keep in mind that this story was written entirely from my 25 year old memories. I didn't find your site until the story was accepted for publication, but I don't think I made too many errors!

G

 

Monte Monte (SS-454 that is!)

By 1982 I had been driving for almost seven years and I had already owned at least eight cars. None of them was what you would call first class reliable transportation. I consider my first “real” car to be a 1970 Monte Carlo SS-454 that I purchased early that year.

 

All of my friends knew that I needed some sort of reliable transportation as I was constantly bumming rides. Mike Teal in particular kept hounding me to look at a car that belonged to one of his elderly neighbors. Every few days he would tell me a few more details. At first I wasn’t particularly interested. A 1970 Monte Carlo didn’t sound very appealing to a 22 year old guy. I wanted a ’69 Camaro like my friend Les, or a Charger like my buddy Wayne’s.

 

Mike kept persisting and each day he would bring a few more details. “My neighbors bought it new, and it’s only got 60,000 miles.” Yawn. “It’s got bucket seats and a console.” Better, but still no soap. The one day he said the magic words, “SS-454.” At first I thought he was making it up as I had never heard of a Monte-Carlo SS-454. Another friend looked it up in a book he had on Chevy muscle cars and they described it as “the amazing ghost” and “the rarest of all SS Chevy’s.” Total production for 1970 was less than 2,000, and they were only made in 1970 and 1971. After that I couldn’t wait to go look at it.

 

When we arrived I was at first shocked to see the car on four flats and covered in leaves. Through all the tree sap, mildew, and pine straw it looked pretty damn good. It seems that their grandson has been racing a new ’80 4-Speed Z-28 a couple of years before and brought it home making a terrible noise. As gas was approaching $1.00 a gallon they parked it in a corner of the backyard and forgot it.

 

She was a light gold color, with a lighter colored vinyl top and saddle interior. It was loaded with the complete SS package, A/C, factory AM-FM radio, full instrumentation, tilt wheel, positraction, and even the optional factory load leveling suspension. The upholstery was in great shape except for the typical SE Texas mildew. Even the carpet and headliner were virtually perfect. She literally didn’t have a scratch on her anywhere.

 

They told me that they purchased her from McRobert’s Chevrolet in Houston right off the showroom floor. She had always been garage kept until the racing incident. They wanted $500 which was all of the money in the world to me in ’82 as I was working as a clerk at a Gibson’s discount store for $3.35 per hour. After thinking of it overnight I arranged to pay for the car over a period of several weeks. They would keep it until I paid the debt.

 

I asked my store manager for all of the overtime he would authorize and I couldn’t sleep nights thinking about it. After several weeks I paid the car off and it was time to go and get it.

 

My friend Don loaned me four wheels and tires off of his Camaro SS-396, and I purchased a new battery. My friend Wayne and I loaded everything up and headed to Bevil Oaks to pick her up. I installed the wheels, battery, and primed the carburetor. She spun over a few times, but wouldn’t quite fire off. I filed the points and tried again. The time she roared to life with a horrendous back firing through the quadrajet.

 

The mufflers were full of holes, and she was literally up to the frame rails in pine straw. Within a few seconds the pine straw caught fire and the flames were literally coming up around the engine. I jumped in and tried to get her out of the ruts she was sitting in before the entire car was a total loss. Wayne ran for a garden house and stuck it around the engine trying to put the ever increasing flames out. At almost the same instant he put out the flames, and she literally leaped out of the ruts. Man, I could just see her burning down to the axles before I ever even got her home! We put out the rest of the fire, gather up our tools and started for the house of Don (the de-facto President of our own version of the Mad Scientists Club.)

 

She seemed to go down the road nice and straight, but tickling the carb even slightly would result in a horrendous popping and missing. I drove slowly, and thought I would never cover the fifteen miles to Don’s house.

 

When we finally arrived the entire gang was waiting in the driveway. I asked Don, “ What do you think?” I was worried that motor was toast and I had no idea how I would find the money to fix it. He looked very serious, listened to the noise, shook his head a few times. I was sweating bullets waiting for the verdict. He kept this up for a few more minutes, and then broke out in the biggest [you said a naughty!] eating grin I’ve ever seen.

 

“It’s a broken intake valve spring.” I still didn’t understand the implications, but Don almost ran for the garage and emerged with a used valve spring and a Rube Goldberg gadget. “Take off the valve cover.”

 

“How bad is it, how much is going to cost? Can we fix it?” I asked.

 

“Shut up and take off the valve cover.” Don wasn’t much on explanations in those days.

 

He hollered, “One of You assholes go get some valve cover gaskets.” I don’t know who left, but I heard the squealing tires as they left for Hi-Lo.

 

Meekly I obeyed while Don strung out the air line with everyone else watching quietly. Within a few minutes we had the valve cover off and had located the offending valve spring. Don took the sparkplug out of the cylinder and began attaching the gadget. He then pressurized the cylinder using the hose off of his compression tester and within minutes had the valve spring changed.

 

In not much more time than it takes to write this we had everything put back together. Only then did Don explain. “They probably over-revved it during the race. Big blocks, and 454’s in particular are bad about breaking valve springs when wound too tight. I pressurized the cylinder to hold the valve shut while we used this tool to take the spring off. Without the tool the valve would fall into the cylinder and we would have real problems. Fire her up!”

 

I hopped in, hit the switch, and she immediately came to life. She sat there in the driveway and even through the Swiss cheese exhaust system you could tell this beast was healthy!

 

Don said, “Get out of the way.”

 

He hopped in the divers seat, “are you coming or not?”

 

We slowly backed out of the driveway, he put her in drive, looked over and gave me that same [you said a naughty!] eating grin, and the put ‘er to the wood. For a second I thought there was another problem because the engine was revving wildly and we weren’t moving. Then the tire smoke started to drift forward and overtake us. Holy [you said a naughty!], the tires were literally melting!

 

He let off, let ‘er hook up, and got back into about half way. Almost the same effect! We drove around the block a few times. She generally seemed to run good, but there were intermittent misses, and oil smells. Don said, “We aren’t going to driver her any more until we service everything.”

 

At that point the entire gang got involved. We drained the gas tank, repacked bearings, serviced the transmission, and even changed the rear end grease. Gaskets were changed, the radiator was drained and refilled, and we performed a major tune up. At that time Accel made very high quality points for the factory distributor which we installed.

 

When we counted the teeth on the ring and pinion we discovered 2.56:1 rear cogs. Later I found out that the standard gear set for a ’70 Monte Carlo SS-454 was a 2.73:1, performance was 3.08:1. The 2.56 gear set was “economy.” Yeah right! I don’t think I ever broke ten mpg in the time I owned the car.

 

After all that I thought we were done, but not yet according to Don. He grabbed the wash bucket and hose and we all started scrubbing. He then broke out his buffer and the Mirror-Glaze #7 and showed me the proper technique for buffing so as not to leave swirl marks. He put a can of Dow foaming bathroom cleaner in someone else’s hands and told them to clean the vinyl upholstery. He hollered for someone else to get the shop vac and told them to get rid of the pine straw that was in every nook and cranny. In the mean time Don grabbed his A/C gauges, and added a couple of .69 cent cans of R-12.

 

All told we probably spent six of seven hours working on her. Although the exhaust system was still shot, and tires bald, the transformation was unbelievable! She looked like a new car, and ran like one too and even the A/C was freezing cold! My buddy Wayne christened her “Monte-Monte” which stuck.

 

The next day I headed to Pfau Tires for some good old belted whitewall tires. Believe it or not she came from the factory with 15X8” Rally Wheels covered with body color-coordinated hub caps.

 

Next I headed to Guarantee Muffler Shop. The price to replace the mufflers and tail pipes out the back was more than I could come up with. My solution was new turbo mufflers with turndowns in front of the rear end. It sounded great and was legal too.

 

Virtually the only clues that this was the ultimate factory sleeper were tiny SS-454 emblems on the bottom of each front fender. Wow, for a total investment of about $750 I had a new looking 1970 Monte Carlo SS-454 with the LS-5 V-8; 360 horsepower, and 500 ft lbs of gut-wrenching, mind-bending torque. All it took to put the tires up in smoke was to open the secondaries!

 

Although I’m a Gemini I don’t put much faith in astrology. However, I do sort of have a little bit of the supposed Gemini split personality, and that Monte-Carlo fit me to a “T.” You could drive it anywhere, look classy on a date, but put ‘er to the wood and watch out! I absolutely loved everything about this car…except for the gas mileage. The way I drove most of the time it barely got 6 mpg.

 

After everything was lubed, tuned, licensed, and inspected, we did what any self respecting group of mad scientists would do; took her out to hold Highway 90 to see what she could do. The results were 15 seconds flat at 95 mph in the ¼ mile, and 137 mph on the top end, but she would never quite get to redline in third gear due to the long gear set. In the quarter she went through the traps at the 4,500 rpm redline in second gear. I never once got into third in a drag race. Today I wouldn’t dream of doing something like this on a $100 set of belted tires, but in those day’s I was bulletproof.

 

These performance specs may not sound so impressive in the days of Viper’s, and Z-06 Corvettes with 405 factory horsepower. In 1982 there wasn’t a new American car including a ‘Vette that could touch my sleeper. One of the hottest cars on the road was the new ’82 Mustang GT, which I blew away time and time again. The new Z-28’s only had 185 hp. Most of those races were for money which was a good thing because Monte Monte sucked gas like a fat kid sucking a chocolate shake.

 

I used to play a game on freeway entrance ramps with whoever was riding shotgun. I would say, “pick a spot.” The typical response was, “huh?”

 

“Pick a spot in the freeway traffic and I’ll put us there.” I never failed to get the named spot!

 

One evening I was cruising the drag with a date. We pulled into a shopping center parking lot where hot-rods congregated. Sitting front and center was a brown ’77 Trans-Am belonging to one of the rich west-end kids. It had a huge tunnel ram sticking out of the hood with two side winder Holley’s atop, and massive tires under the jacked up back. Here I am with my gold Monte Carlo with white wall tires, hub caps, and even a vinyl top.

 

No one ever noticed the SS-454 emblems, and this time was no different. My date and I got out and ambled over to the huge gang around the Trans-Am. The kid fired her off, and I immediately saw black smoke, and smelled gas. Don had educated me on over carbureting an engine, and I immediately noted the symptoms. Everyone was really impressed with the Trans-Am, and the kid who owned it was strutting around like a little peacock. After a few minutes I asked him, “Do you wana run ‘em?”

 

“Whatchagot?”

 

“That Monte-Carlo over there.” Everyone looked over and then roared with laughter.

 

“I wouldn’t run you for less than a hundred bucks.”

 

“Okay.” The snickering and laughing increased and everyone headed for their rides to witness the rich kid in the Trans-Am take a hundred bucks away from the dumb-[you said a naughty!] fat kid from the north end. We all headed to the local street racing site on Delaware road. The guy in the Trans-Am stood on it a few times on the way over, and each time it bogged badly. Every time he did so I laughed quietly to myself. I never even opened the secondary’s on the drive over.

 

Well we lined ‘em up, and it all went down just like I expected. The starters arm went down and guy in the Tran-Am showered down on it and it popped and bogged terribly. By this time I knew how to launch Monte Monte with only a modicum of wheel spin. The technique was not to open the secondary’s until I was rolling about fifteen miles an hour. I didn’t even manually shift the Turbo 400. I ran the race in drive. I immediately jumped ahead by about six car lengths, and steadily walked away from him.

After it was all over he was grumbling about a bad start, etc, etc. Being a good sportsman, I offered to go again for double or nothing. His buddies were all convinced that he had plotted the entire scenario to take even more money away from me. How can a Monte Carlo with whitewall tires beat a hot-rod Trans-Am? Second race, same results and my date was having the time of her life! Finally someone thought to ask what I was running. I simply pointed to the 454 emblems, and everyone’s jaw dropped.

 

I had countless other adventures in Monte Monte including running out of gas more times than I can count. One time I even mixed it up with a local plastic surgeon and his new 911 Turbo. He could not believe that a Monte Carlo was on his back bumper up to about 125. Then he shifted into fifth and it was all over.

 

One weekend trip to Austin to do an engine swap on my older sisters Plymouth Valiant was particularly memorable. The return trip was late on a moonlit and very cold Sunday evening. Once I hit Bastrop, I let Monte Monte have her lead, and the entire return trip was done at 120+ mph warp speed. The speed limit was still 55, and getting caught we have definitely meant going to jail. Somehow or another this was one of those magical road trips that you only experience a few times in your life.

 

After 2 ½ years and 70K miles it was finally time to sell her. I had basically worked for over two years to buy gas for that car. Man did I have some fun during that time! Monte Monte and I had been everywhere and done everything together. Finally, and very reluctantly I put the car up for sale. By that time the motor was very tired, and I didn’t have the time or money to do a rebuild. I advertised her for sale at $1,800 and literally had people fighting over her. Now I could kick myself for ever selling that car. I’ve owned over 200 cars, and this is one of only a few I regretted selling.

 

The new owner was a successful real-estate developer who bought it for his twin boys. They did a no expense spared overhaul. A few weeks later I ran into them and they told me the most amazing story. Monte Monte always had very low oil pressure which I attributed to a worn engine. It seems that when they tore the engine down they discovered a broken drill bit in one of the crankshaft main bearing oil passages. Apparently a drill bit had broken off in the crankshaft at the factory during machining, and the only oil passage was the swirls of the bit. It had scooped out one of the main bearings, but nothing every broke or failed. Good old GM engineering at work.

 

I hope Monte Monte is fully restored and giving her current owner pleasure. I doubt if anyone could ever be prouder of a car than I was of that Monte Carlo in 1982. I’m always scanning E-Bay and Hemming’s for SS-454’s. If I ever find Monte Monte she is coming home, and I don’t give a damn what she costs.

 

 

[Kevin Wiles]

LOVE THE STORY. I'm going to print it out and let my uncle read it, I'm sure he'll enjoy as he was into montes in the early 80's and he can probably relate to your story! Don't worry about the errors. Not many people will notice, the only thing i see is "optional leveling system" was actually standard on SS but sure it was an option as you had to have the SS option so thats no big deal.. But the 15x8 rallys from the factory?, nahh they had to be 15x7's. Not to worry, because the story was awesome and I enjoyed reading it very very much, thanks for sharing!!!!

[Capri's 71 SS]

That was great to read - I did post last week under your original thread that the story was out & I got to read it when our issue arrived

[Ian]

Thanks for sharing, I am with Allan I did not want the story to end. Talk about the good old days, I bought my first Monte for $600 and my second one for $6800 and in worse shape.

 

Ian

[Guest knightfan2691]

Wow ... LONG, but DEFINITELY worth the read .

 

 

 

Cort:34swm."Mr Monte Carlo.Mr Road Trip".pig valve&pacemaker

WRMNshowcase.legos.HO.models.MCs.RTs.CHD = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort

"I'll always be around" ... Willie Nelson ... 'Highwayman'

[7tonemonte]

Very cool story! Thats something that movies are made of

[Cali4nia Monte]

Wow that was definitely the longest...yet one of the most pleasurable posts I have read on here. I felt as if I was sitting in the passenger seat the whole time!!!

 

Thanks for sharing,

Jaylene

(Also a fellow Gemini )

[Phil]

That was great,I really enjoyed reading it.

[Monteman1971]

That was a great story.....My first Monte cost $300 in 1980. It was only a small block but when your 18 and it's your first car I had plenty of fun with it picking on the big kids......lol.

 

Steve

[Sam (Bones)]

I think your story should be forwarded to Dave Mau for monte memories

[Guest FATRAT]

x2.. awesome story

[David Mau]

I think your story should be forwarded to Dave Mau for monte memories

 

Wow, Greg - WHAT A STORY!

 

Our club newsletter, "The Knight", has a regular column called "Monte Memories" which features stories that are first gen Monte Carlo-related. I am the editor of the column and stories are submitted to me for inclusion. Along with adding an introductory paragraph, I do my best to correct spelling, add appropriate punctuation, etc., and then send the final version to club VP Rob Peters, who in turn puts the newsletters together. Would it be alright with you if we used such a version of your story for an installment (or maybe two - LOL) of "Monte Memories"?

 

ROB - What do you think?

 

Thanks,

Dave

 

 

[72 LS5]

That is a great story! When my boys are a little older, it would make a great bedtime story for them (and me!)

 

Thanks!

[Guest Greg Riley]

I'm glad everyone liked the story. I have lots of other memories of Monte Monte that I'll share as time goes on. You won't believe some of the situations I got in with that car.

 

Yes, it would be fine for you to use the story in Monte Memories. However, I do work under contract for OCW, and they must be credited. Please say something like, "an edited version of this story first appeared in the Feb 7, 2008 issue of Old Cars Weekly."

 

I'm keeping my eyes out for a 1st Gen Monte. I doubt if I will stumble onto an SS-454 in my price range. If I can find a decent small block car a 383 might do. Maybe with a Tremec, or 700R4. I want a nice long distance cruiser with A/C and all the trimmings.

 

Did that bench seat SS-454 on E-Bay sell? I think it was in the Dallas, Fort Worth area. It seemed like a very nice car, too bad it didn't have buckets and a console.

Greg

[Sam (Bones)]

that is a real nice one by what I could see of it, could always convert it to buckets and save the bench

[David Mau]

I have lots of other memories of Monte Monte that I'll share as time goes on.

Sounds great!

 

Originally Posted By: Greg Riley

Yes, it would be fine for you to use the story in Monte Memories. However, I do work under contract for OCW, and they must be credited. Please say something like, "an edited version of this story first appeared in the Feb 7, 2008 issue of Old Cars Weekly."

Thank you, Greg. I'm sure that many more club members would enjoy reading it - and having it in a copy of the newsletter. Giving credit to Old Cars Weekly is not a problem.

 

Originally Posted By: Greg Riley

I'm keeping my eyes out for a 1st Gen Monte. I doubt if I will stumble onto an SS-454 in my price range. If I can find a decent small block car a 383 might do. Maybe with a Tremec, or 700R4. I want a nice long distance cruiser with A/C and all the trimmings.

Cool. That would make for a fantastic car! It sounds to me like you might enjoy being an official member of the FGMCC. We'd love to have you as a member, and for only $20/year dues you simply can't beat it.

 

Originally Posted By: Greg Riley

Did that bench seat SS-454 on E-Bay sell? I think it was in the Dallas, Fort Worth area. It seemed like a very nice car, too bad it didn't have buckets and a console.

Greg

I personally don't have much time to follow E-Bay, but I do occasionally check out the links that others provide here to take a peek at the cars. I recall seeing one not too long ago that looked similar to Monte Monte, and if I remember right I think that someone here mentioned that it did sell. If it would've had buckets and a console, I take it that you would've checked into it further to see if it might possibly had been yours, eh? That would really be something to find your old friend again! I love reading stories like that.

 

 

Dave

[Rob Peters]

Originally Posted By: Bones

I think your story should be forwarded to Dave Mau for monte memories

 

 

 

Our club newsletter, "The Knight", has a regular column called "Monte Memories" which features stories that are first gen Monte Carlo-related. I am the editor of the column and stories are submitted to me for inclusion. Along with adding an introductory paragraph, I do my best to correct spelling, add appropriate punctuation, etc., and then send the final version to club VP Rob Peters, who in turn puts the newsletters together. Would it be alright with you if we used such a version of your story for an installment (or maybe two - LOL) of "Monte Memories"?

 

ROB - What do you think?

 

Thanks,

Dave

 

I think we would need a Readers Digest version.. That story could take up the entire bi-monthly publication so it is way too long for Monte Memories.

Rob

[David Mau]

I think we would need a Readers Digest version.. That story could take up the entire bi-monthly publication so it is way too long for Monte Memories.

Rob

 

Yeah, it's too long for a single installment - but I think that with some editing we could make it work as a "two-parter" spread over two publications. I'll "think" Readers Digest.

 

Dave

[Vaughn]

THAT WAS GREAT!!

Thanks for sharing.

 

Vaughn

[Dans '70 Z20]

Always great to hear others Monte memories. Hey, we all have Montes for various reasons but many have to do with fond memories in our past.

 

I had a similar situation. At the time, I had a 72 Monte 350, 202 fuelies, 11:1, Performer cam/intake, HEI, stall speed with the same 2:56 dead gears (always meant to change but never had the money). Car just worked well.

 

Ended up at a light on the local strip next to a 68 GTO with a heavy cam. Kicked it in low (just in case) and when light changed we were off. Turns out (luckily) though his car sounded really nasty at idle it was way over cammed.

 

All I remember, as I pulled away from him, was passing an empty lot with a Monte Carlo gathering of various years cheering me on as I pulled away from the GTO. Hey, maybe Kevin Wiles lived on Long Island in the early 80's!

 

Memories.......

 

Dan